A few new pictures...

Here are a few updated pictures. We are finally finished with all of the home remodeling. Whew! And we had my nephew, Dylan, spend the night with us on Saturday. Poor guy wasn't feeling too well. But it still was fun to have a little baby around. I forgot what it was like to have a little one around (he is 3.5 months old.) I am also posting a picture of E's monkey with the mini-quilt I made with left over pieces from the larger quilt I made a while back. I will update more soon.

Pictures

Three posts in one day! Things have been busy around here. Just trying to catch up. He are some random pictures. We have been going on lots of fun adventures and enjoying this beautiful weather. The only reason I am posting the picture of me, is because I have finally lost 50 out of my 60 pounds I put on while I was pregnant! Only a few more pounds and I will be back in a size 4. While none of you probably care, it was not easy and I am proud of myself!

My Dad...

I went and saw my Dad today. As many of you know, we have never been very close. Before his diagnosis, he had maybe seen E a total of three times over a 2 year period. And each visit was never more than 10 minutes. He would make sure and bring a gift over for E on his birthday, but he never stuck around for the party. But since we got the horrible news, none of that seems to matter much anymore. I did what I had to do to make my peace with the situation, and now I am just trying to spend as much time with him as I can before he dies. I really want E to have some memory of him...he is my father...but I know he probably won't.

It is a very hard thing to deal with when you are forced to think about the mortality of your parents. Especially when they aren't old. And when there hasn't been much of a relationship over the past 33 years, it adds a whole other dimension to the grieving process. Part of me believed that with him being sick, I would somehow come to learn that his lack of presence in my life has been a big misunderstanding. That I somehow dreamed it all. But when I am visiting and a friend of his from the past 20 years stops by and asks me how I know Pat, reality hits me in the face. Here is one of his close friends who has no clue that he has a daughter.

I gave up on trying to figure out why he did the things he did. Why he didn't feel the importance of being a part of my life. The past is the past. And the present is my 58 year old Dad laying on a bed, unable to sit up, feed himself, speak clearly or use the bathroom unassisted, and it just makes me sad. Sad that he has to suffer. Sad that things weren't different between us. Sad that he never really understood what it meant to be a father. Sad that with the exception of one of his sisters (he is one of 10,) no one in his family has ever kept in contact with us. When he dies, I am losing an entire half of my family. That is a whole part of my heritage that my child will never learn to know.

Although it still continues to be very difficult, I feel like I have made my peace and I have said my good-byes. After seeing him today, I know he doesn't have much longer. I will never forget him. We share a birthday. And I forgive him. I know he loved me the best we he knew how.

My Other Children...

Do you remember back on E's birthday (5 months ago,) when Daddy brought home a new addition to the family? A sweet, adorable little puppy. She was less than 2 months old at the time. E fell in love with her immediately, but I was a little skeptical. Did we really need ANOTHER dog? I was assured that she wouldn't get any bigger than Beatrice (our 75 pound lab.) Well, here she is, our 6.5 month old "puppy..."









So they are in no particular order. Blogger doesn't upload my pictures in the order I add the,. Anyway...Lola has officially surpassed Beatrice in size, and she is nowhere near finished growing. Thank goodness we had a fence installed in our backyard. I guess the only upside, is that for E's 3rd birthday, we won't have to rent a pony for the kids, we can just throw a saddle on Lola!

School...

E had a great first day of school. It was so fun to watch him with his friends. When I went to pick him up he asked if he could stay at school longer. And when I asked him about his day, he had so many stories about his adventures. It was hard to get some good pictures this morning because he was so excited and just wanted to get to school!



And what does every two year old need after a stressful first day of school? A massage of course! E lucked out...Mommy and Daddy had Nancy come for a massage, and she was nice enough to give E a mini one. He was a little skeptical at first, but quickly became a fan. I guess he is going to take after his Mom and Dad!